Sexuality and Christianity

I've wanted to write this for so long.

Seriously, at a Christian University I get angry about this on a consistent basis (because I hear it all the time), and I need to write this down before I take my computer and throw it against a window.

I grew up in the Christian church - Literally, because my dad is a pastor. And after going to a great Christian University, I discovered the hard way how mind boggling screwed up Christian sex ed is. I know there's no special sex ed class we all take as Christians, but some of these belief systems people come out with are just..... whacked out. And by the way, I'm not even referring to monogamous versus polygamous relationships or abstinence. I'm not remotely hinting that it's bad to decide to be different from the rest of the world. I'm referring to actual knowledge of sex. Yes, I'm going to teach you a sex ed lesson. Bare with me (get it? I made a hilarious pun).

First of all, let me express this:
1) every single couple (and I'm including married couples who waited until marriage) is different sexually. Everyone. Every guy has a different sex drive and every girl has a different sex drive
2) Because of this, a person can't just speak up for people of the opposite gender and say "you wouldn't understand because you don't think sexually like me."

I have only heard this line used in a Christian setting. Maybe you haven't, but I'm sharing my personal experiences. My atheist friends have absolutely no problem being open about sexuality and knowing that the opposite gender wants it too. I'm graduating with a biology degree in a couple months. Men and women use different parts of their brain for sex and we obviously have different sexual organs. That's a no-brainer. But we, for some reason, are still believing black-and-white facts about sexuality. First of all, if you are different, you might get pissed at these next comments. However, these are experiences I've had with Christians. I'm also a believer, and that's why I'm focusing on us solely. So I'm not expressing this as some anti-Christian rant.

Myth:
1) guys think about sex every seven seconds
I laughed about this to a Christian guy and he said "well, you wouldn't understand. We really do." My atheist guy friend of course a couple months earlier said "oh my gosh, no we don't. Who the hell said that?" After hanging out with mainly men, I don't know one that would agree with this statement unless they were still going through puberty or had some sort of dysfunction. I know I can't speak on behalf of men, and how your sex drive is. That would be pretty low of me. But what I have really witnessed is that for some reason there seems to be this weird idea in the Christian community that guys are supposed to be super overly sexually aggressive and sex is supposed to consume their thoughts at all times. I experienced this kind of teaching in church sex ed classes directed towards females. Guys are disrespected as these overly-sexual fiends who want nothing more to do than breed like rabbits. I brought this up to the Christian guy and said "every seven seconds?"
"yes, I'm telling you. (inserts something else about me being super naive to what it's like to feel horny since I'm a female)" "Aren't you a student teacher?"
"So what? Are you seriously hinting that I think sexually about kids? That's disgusting."
"Well if you think about it every seven seconds you would pretty much inevitably be having sexual thoughts about your middle schoolers at one time or another."
sooner or later we got down to him thinking about sex every three or four hours. Hmmm....  changed a little.

2) Women need all these weird special things to get turned on. 
 I've heard the weirdest crap. One of my friends mentioned to me today that she was reading a blog post written by a guy on female sexuality. He says "Girls aren't turned on by sight and don't understand what it's like to feel extremely horny, they're turned on by touch and emotions and would rather talk then have sex."

Really now.

It took me two months to hold hands with my boyfriend, and I'm probably the most sexual human being that has ever walked on the planet. Thus, why I'm wasting my time writing about sex instead of studying for an important quiz. I don't give a flying rats ass about physical touch or romance. While that's still important in a relationship, I want that booty action.
Tell me this: The highest grossing book last year was Fifty Shades of Grey, which was not only a porno directed towards females- but was one on S&M at that. No touch involved.
Tell me this: Why Channing Tatum starred as a stripper and made a thick wad of cash because of the ridiculously high number of women who showed up to the movie not caring what the plot was about just to see his abs and dwell the rest of the day in sexual fantasies.
Tell me this: why every single man singer has to take off his shirt to an audience of women. Because abs are the sexiest part of a male. You think the penis is sexy and you're being modest by simply covering that region up? We're not turned on by penis, we're sexually turned on by hot, sweaty, sexy body. Causing a "brother to stumble" dressing "immodestly (which is another blog on its own)" is equivalent to "causing a sister to stumble" by taking off your shirt to play sports. For us, it's like seeing shirtless women bikini mud wrestle. It's dang sexy.

If men are so convinced that men will only get turned on by sight, I can not speak out against that. I wouldn't know, because I'm not a man. However, I would imagine that you would still get somewhat turned on if I decided to grope you in the nether regions instead of wear a sexy outfit. But imagine as a female that you can get horny and unhorny at any time of the day and the sexual fantasies can last for hours upon end with no sort of "blue balls" problems. Yeah, we can do that. And multiple orgasms. In fact, women are more likely according to neurological studies (which I can easily provide) to get turned on by male-female , female-female, and male-male sexual pictures. Men apparently get turned on by male-female and female-female. Also, women are far more likely to have fantasies about super kinky behavior. Like being chained by an attractive billionaire. Not saying guys don't, this is just what I read in peer-reviewed scientific journals. Also, women are said to achieve orgasm far frequently on their own than with a guy partner. For all you know, a girl could be seeing you play with your shirt off, then go back to her room and masturbate. You think that's just a "guy thing?" Many many Christian males have about blown a gasket when I give them sex statistics.

I'm also for the love of everything dear not saying that it's sinful for a guy to have his shirt off. My point that I'm making here as a female (since I'm sure a guy could easily have his own blog about warped Christian understandings of male sex) is that women should always dress "modestly" and men can wear whatever they want because women just don't get turned on like that. Don't believe that, it's fine. But I can not think of many women that would disagree with that statement. We have this weird idea that Christian females do not and should not have a high sex drive and won't ever get turned on by sight, yet men know that deep down inside. That's why they take their shirts off. "Wait, what? It's 100 degrees outside, and I was playing football. Of course I'll take my shirt off." Ah, now you know what it feels like. Because I got called out in 108 degree Oklahoma summer weather off of school campus for wearing shorts that were "too sexy" and a tank top to play volleyball in. Maybe... just maybe it's 100 degrees outside. Maybe it's okay for me to wear yoga pants to the gym that will turn a couple male heads since.... I'm taking a yoga class.

My pont hère is that every single person is different. I know women who wouldn't agree with anything I just said and would rather spend the rest of their lives never getting out of missionary position. I know other women who have more crotchless panties than they have shirts. Every single sex drive is different out there. What is NOT okay is us keeping sexual information from people growing up to the point where I have had to explain to girls: no you can't get pregnant in a pool, you have three holes, and basic sex facts they should have learned in middle school. I'm blown away with how completely clueless people are. "But Cassie, they'll learn that when they get married."
Sometimes they don't. Sometimes some women have had it engrained inside of them for so long that they are not supposed to be kinky or be sexual to the point where they are afraid to even know what they look like down there. I'm really seriously not exaggerating on this, and it concerns me when I'm seeing this fear of sexuality at 20-23 years old. This stuff bleeds into a marriage relationship as well. She'll put out the first week since it's "expected" then spend so much time using sex as a weapon or feeling like she's being taken advantage of since her husband is the only one asking to have sex. Sure, many women and men work differently. But assuming sexual behaviors on people of particular genders can really hinder sex. One thing a sexual counselor can say is "Well, your husband may have less of a time expressing his feelings when you haven't had sex in three months" and visa versa for women. You both are going to express sexuality differently at many times. But it is getting into deep water when assumptions are automatically made and people are living sexually fear-based lives. I know women who believe they are being sinful for getting horny, because it seems to be expressed that way. There is no black and white of sex.