Value

I once had to bring out food to a 14 top of screaming children and then had to leave to clean vomit out of the bathroom. Not a good night. I walked back to a table to ask how things were going, and instead got yelled at by a white collar worker who said "you're just waiting tables with your life, are you really too stupid to refill my water?" Not to mention I lost fifteen dollars worth of a tip. I was seething. I had fantasies for the next six hours of me putting on a white coat and saying "want to know what I got on my MCAT, bitch?" This week I got yelled at by a particular hospital worker because a patient went into V-tach and I was given the wrong room number by the receptionist who was cutting up with her boyfriend. That patient could have died, and if she did, I would have been that stupid girl in the back room staring at heart monitors that would have ha
d to take the blame. 

Quite frankly, there isn't a job in the world where you don't come out eventually thinking "why am I not respected?" No matter how "high" or "low." I'm honestly pretty glad I get to work at the "low" jobs for a long time, because it's taught me enough empathy where I see that stupid lazy burger flipper as a single mother who is thanking God on a nightly basis that she found a job. Ironically, the same people who laugh and say "you're a monitor tech, I would know better than you how to read this ECG because I actually went to college (seriously)" have no idea what degree I have and that I'll be over them one day. I've learned over time to hold my tongue, because I've never once regretted it. Here's the thing. Everyone has the similar problems at their job. They aren't respected. No one notices what they do. If they are higher up, they are judged and hated by those that are under them. They're just an "asshole that gets paid too much." These angering moments are held in. Eventually, people end up hating their job and spend most of their time fantasizing about how they are going to quit in some extravagant face-punching way. 

I've learned this over time: If I am miserable now in the way I am treated by other people because they don't see me the way God sees me, then I will be miserable at every job I've ever had. If I see becoming a doctor as some way I can finally "get revenge" on those who never had faith in me, I will be miserable. Most of them won't give a flying rip, and they will be replaced by new people who hate my guts. There is no magical job or livelihood where everyone bows before you and feeds you ice cream. Besides an ice cream taster at Ben&Jerrys, and that would be certainly be a magical job. I have absolutely no control over what people think about me. I've been in a four-year relationship and still called a whore by "Christians" because of whatever rumor they heard or because I wore a tight outfit. I've been called "a spoiled brat" by faculty members high up in leadership at a Christian university because I wrote a tiny little letter about sexism that no one remembers except them. And while I was leading women to Christ through it, they ironically said I was used of satan. I had a guy at a car dealership talk to me in baby talk because he thought I wouldn't understand car lingo as a woman. I've had people complain about my "fake Christian" persona because I drink beer and I'm friends with people of other sexual orientations. I've been repeatedly pointed at in art districts because I dress preppy. I've had to eat lunch in the bathroom growing up because I was never popular. I had a guy complain about how tiny my breasts are while I was working out last week because apparently it affected his workout. People can be assholes. I know great wars could have been avoided by the words "never assume." And while I have no control over what people assume about me or how they treat me, I have every control in the world of if I choose to believe it. And I have every control in the world of how I treat them back. 

I would be a very miserable person right now if I really thought I was just a "insert job here."  I am the child of the God who created the Universe that is still constantly expanding. He is still creating stars as we speak, which has been shown through physics. I'm the child of the God who created my antibodies with a possible combination of literally 100 billion combinations for 100 billion different possible diseases with it's own unique set of DNA. I'm the child of the God who created me with 100 trillion synapses in my brain interconnecting 100 billion neurons, multiplied by the billions of people in the world (adds up to roughly 7x10^23), who still takes every thought I have into consideration and wants to fulfill my dreams. He sings over me when I sleep and engraved my name into the palm of his hand. Yet somehow I still manage to wake up in the morning craving the attention I believe I deserve from humans, and treating them the way they treat me, with the need to always be right and a complete lack of compassion. In reality, I am complaining and gnashing my teeth at other beautiful humans that He sent his son to die for from suffocation and hypovolemic shock. He was serious about having faith in them. He has a fantastic plan for their futures, and I can't do a damn thing about the love He has for them. In reality, this aggression towards His anointed makes me wrong. Either He was mistaken in dying for them, or I am wrong for judging them for judging me. No, we're not always respected. It sucks. But when we learn to put or hope in someone a lot greater than some of the rude people around us, life becomes a little more fun. I have no control over what people say about me. But I do have control over whether I take hold of those words and hate myself and my job because of it. If we saw the priceless value that we really had, our whole perception of reality changes. And it's beautiful.